"I come from a family raised with no mother and no father. Only to have my father resurface into my life years later when I'm an adult, then disappear, followed by his introduction again as a woman about to go through a sex change operation. He-she. Father-mother, Human-freak, or Hugo-Hillary.

And you wonder why the hell I'm messed up?

I never meant to harm anyone. Do you think children are born with the idea of what is good and what is bad? No, they're not. They're raised with knowing only two things: love and fear.

I was raised in fear and now am facing my peers in a judicial system wrought with black and white and very little gray.

I never meant to harm anyone and I understand the rage born inside me when I realized my father was a woman. I blamed him, I blamed everyone--- I had to, it was the only way to understand it. When I flashed that gun across the dining table, I never meant to hurt anyone. I think my record will prove that since it's a clean slate.

I know I've said 'I never meant to harm anyone.' I didn't, and I suppose all you'll be able to do is believe me or not.

But I beg you to look at the facts. Look where I come from, look what's happened to me, and look at my life. I suppose, I am asking for mercy in a crime of pain and a life of hardship. It's not that I don't regret any of the transpired events--- I do, but I am asking for understanding, that's all.

Do I belong in a prison? No.

Do I deserve to be punished? Yes.

Am I willing to undergo psychological counseling and/or community service? Yes.

Please, I'm asking you as my Public Defender to look at me not as another case, but as a human being--- because that's what I am."

He looked at me and I realized I had knocked the chip off his shoulder. He made some notes and then I left our meeting.

Goddamnit, I'm good!

I was more determined than ever to beat this rap--- because then the real blood would be able to flow.