I thought the Awards were going to start at 7:00. I didn't want to listento Joan Rivers insult people on E!, or hear any of those inane natterers onChannel 7 out here in LA, so I actually turned on the Awards around 7:30,figuring I couldn't possible miss anything important, right?
Oops! The show started at 6:00! Instead of missing a corny dance numberand an award for "Best Hairpiece On A Closeted Actor," I missed that cute-as-a-bug Mira Sorvino and my favorite actor (besides Bette), Kevin Spacey,win their Oscars!
Needless to say, I was in a very bad mood almost as soon as I turned on theset. Please bear that in mind as you join me in "Hugo's Pluses and MinusesDuring the Last Half of the Oscars!"
PLUS: I love Nathan Lane! He always makes me laugh and his Disney bit wasso bitchy! If I wasn't already involved with somebody, I'd stalk him.
MINUS: Disney! Disney! Disney! And the homo that choreographed those awfulPocohontas and Bryan Adams "dances." EE-eewww! Too much chiffon in the oneand too much bad lambada in the other.
MINUS: Winona Ryder's hair. I only caught a glimpse of it, but I almost wentblind. She should shoot her hairdresser. immediately.
PLUS: Sharon Stone's ad-lib when she realized that she couldn't find the en-velope.
MINUS: Miss Piggy. Dump that tired old puppet in the trashcan!
PLUS: The cumulative effect of all those clips of celebs who'd died over thepast year. Kind of MINUS, too, if you think about it.
PLUS: Christopher Reeve talking about making good, socially important films.Kind of a MINUS: Nobody in the audience was listening to him.
MINUS: Take 6. How irritating can you get? Singing the credits for the nom-inated songs? Whose bright idea was that? I wanted to slap all six of them.
Question: Why does the Academy hate Nicole Kidman so much? She gets snubbedby the Academy for her great performance in "To Die For," she's asked to bea presenter and then gets stuck with announcing the talking pig movie! Showthe woman some respect, for God's sake!
MINUS: "Leaving Las Vegas" and "Dead Man Walking" not being nominated for BestPicture.
PLUS: Nicholas Cage and Susan Sarandon winning!
MINUS: "Braveheart" and fundamentalist Catholic homophobe Mel Gibson winning.
Oh, well, maybe next year....
T.T.F.N.!
H
