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Hugo

March 20, 1996






"Four Dates or 'Check, Please'" by Hugo Ciccarelli.(The names have been changed to protect the liars involved.)

SCENE ONE

HUGO is center stage, in a spotlight, talking directly to theaudience.
HUGO
Sammy described himself as an avid reader, blonde, six-one, 200 lbs. He works out regularly and won a medal in the college swim team.
The lights come up on HUGO, seated at a small table in arestaurant, complete with settings. He glances at hiswatch.
HUGO
He was late, but as long as he matched his description, he could show up next week and I wouldn't mind.
A short, fat old man-- SAMMY-- hobbles in on a walker. He istotally bald.
SAMMY
Are you Hugo?
HUGO looks around him with a "You talking to me?" look.SAMMY blows his nose on his shirtsleeve, looks closely at thecontents.
SAMMY
I'm Sammy.

HUGO
(To audience)
Looks like he won that college medal a long time ago.
(To Sammy)
Uh, Hugo? Uh, that's not me...

SAMMY
You must be Hugo. You fit the description.

HUGO
Wrong person.
SAMMY grabs at his chest with the hand not in his nose andcollapses to the floor, dead.
HUGO
Check, please!
BLACKOUT.


SCENE II

Spot comes up on HUGO at table.

HUGO
Date number two. Prentiss.
Lights come up on PRENTISS, an attractive young man dressedentirely in leather.
PRENTISS
I've always been interested in the way that power affects people's relationship with each other.

HUGO
Me, too. I...

PRENTISS
You interrupted me.

HUGO
Sorry...

PRENTISS
NEVER INTERRUPT ME! NEVER! NEVER! NEVER!
He slams a fist down on the table to accent each "never."
PRENTISS
I think the most interesting people are those who have no opinions about anything.

HUGO
Really?

PRENTISS
Because then I can mold them to be the lover that I want them to be.

HUGO
Check, please!
BLACKOUT.


SCENE THREE

HUGO, seated as before.
HUGO
Then there was Marshall.
MARSHALL is a nerd, glasses that make him look like a bug, greasyhair, pocket protector.
MARSHALL
I don't like books much, except science fiction.

HUGO
Have you ever read William Gibson? "Neuromancer," "Mona Lisa Overdrive"?

MARSHALL
That's not science fiction. That's cyber-punk. That stuff's crap. I'm a purist.
He looks at the untouched food on HUGO's plate.
MARSHALL
Are you going to eat those nachos?
He reaches over and grabs the food off the plate.
HUGO
Check, please!
BLACKOUT.

SCENE FOURHUGO, same as before, sad and exhausted-looking.

HUGO
Donovan.
DONOVAN, wearing a business suit, finishes a cellular phonecall at the dinner table.
DONOVAN
See you at the rally tomorrow. Yep. Same to you. Later.
He closes his phone up and tucks it in his jacket.
DONOVAN
I think Hitler was misunderstood. Don't you?

HUGO
Check, please!
BLACKOUT


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