After being out of the dating pool for over two years, I have decided to strap on some water wings, pinch my nose and dive back into the deep end.
I have written my very first personal ad and would like to share it with all you readers.
If you've ever tried to hash out one of these monsters, then you know how difficult it is to describe yourself honestly without butching up the details. Can you tell the truth and still keep people interested?
My first try (heavily influenced after seeing the movie "Total Eclipse"):
"Verlaine, 40s, seeks his Rimbaud, without the absinthe,shooting and stabbing. N2 literature, cinema, honestyand passion."
I was impressed with my first try, until my friend, Fran, asked me apointed question: "Hugs, do you really want to compare yourself to analcoholic French lyrical poet who banged 16-year-olds and beat his wife?"
Of course, I gave into a pithy response: "If the 16-year-old looks like Leonardo Dicaprio and writes poetry like Rimbaud, hell, I'll beat myself up."
Fran put her hands on her hips and shook her head.
I was chastised.
She was right-- not a good comparison. "Okay. Any suggestions?"
"A few more changes." she said.
"Like?"
"How about 'writer,' instead of 'Verlaine'?"
I'm not a poet and my prose sucks, so, to be fair, it would be more accurate to call myself a "journalist," instead of a "writer." "Essayist" is too close to my hero, Gore Vidal, for me to even try and lump myself in with that category.
TRY #2:
"Journalist, 40s, wants to pen his living bio with the assistance of an artistic partner interested in literature, cinema, honesty, passion."
Fran, again: "Literature? Cinema? Why don't you just put down books and movies?"
I chose not to lecture her on the difference between "Porky's" and "Wild Strawberries" or "Kiss Me Deadly" and "Les Miserables," so I just made a snotty comment about good taste.
"You're a snob," she said. "Don't put your age in, either. Put it on the voice mail. You need to catch 'em first, then reel 'em in."
I tried, again:
"Mature journalist with a vast interest in books and movies seeks intelligent partner for long talks and..."
"And lots of humping?" suggested Fran.
"'For long talks and l-o-v-e?'" I wrote, glaring at her.
"Much better," she said, "but you'll get more responses if you cut 'intelligent.'"
Kisses and hugs.
H.
