"I have..."
Somebody turned on the white noise channel of the radio.
I felt light-headed, tiny specks of silver floating in front ofme.
"...some news that you'll..."
My heart started to beat faster.
I was afraid to look her in the eye, so I watched the swell of herbreasts under her t-shirt as they rose with her breathing. Theyshifted against each other has she moved in her chair.
"...be happy about."
My hands were wet and my stomach started to hurt.
"Your test results have come back negative."
My eyes shot up to meet hers. "Say that again?"
"You're HIV negative, Mr. Ciccarelli."
"That's not possible. My lover died from the disease." I lookedup at her as the tears started to come.
"Sometimes this happens..." She reached over to a box of Kleenexon her desk, pulled a couple of the white sheets out and handedthem to me.
When I got out to my car, I stopped crying and started to laugh.
I laughed until I cried, again.
I called Eric at his office and told him the good news.
"What a relief." I said.
"I told you you'd feel better."
"I feel like a different person."
He laughed. "You sound like he same old Hugo to me. Justhappier."
"I am! I am! Eric, I'm going to make some changes."
"Like what?"
"I don't know. Shave my head. Go back to the gym. Get a tattoo.Dye my beard pink. I don't know."
"Not sure about that pink beard thing, Hugs."
Kurt and I had the big talk.
"It's not you, Kurt. It's me."
He crossed his arms and pouted like a little boy. "That'soriginal..."
"I've been out of the loop for two years. I'm back in it in acrash. I've not sure what I want to do."
"So I'm just supposed to hang around like some stray dog hopingfor a bone?"
"I'll let that one go," I said. "Bear with me. I didn't say Ididn't want to be with you. I do. I'm just not sure that I wantto be just with you..."
He put his hands up. "No. Don't go any further."
"I want to play the field a little. Can't you understand that?"
"The old 'Let's be friends' crap, huh?"
"Kurt, stop it. I didn't say that. Don't be selfish."
"I'm being selfish?" He jabbed me with a finger to accent hispoint. "I like you, Hugo. A lot..."
"I feel the same way. I just don't want to make a commitment toyou before we've even spent the night together."
He pulled his finger out of my chest. "Fair enough. When's thatgoing to happen?"
"I don't know."
He turned from me and headed towards the front door.
"Call me when you have a clue, man."
