Just because Hugo was in lust with Kurt, he liked to tease the rest of us.
Not that I minded. In fact, the SWF and I ended up having such a good time over dinner the other night that we actually kissed in the parking lot. Yikes!
We both agreed we weren't roommate material. Thank goodness! It would have been just like to me to have her move in, stealing looks all the time in the bathroom, as my schoolgirl crush grew and grew. And if it didn't work out? Hell followed.
No, no. I knew better than that. SWF is the first woman I'd ever met under the guise of a roommate that became a date. Perhaps I should look for housemates more often.
A cluster of people entered the cafe and I looked for her, but she was no where to be seen.
I nodded no to Hugo and returned to my cafe au lait.
Perhaps SWF is my soulmate?
Who knew. And then I saw Hugo's face drop. He spun around, facing me, his expression filled with horror. What was wrong? Did he get his finger caught in the espresso machine? Did he-
And then I saw her through the front windows.
My soulmate from 15 seconds ago walked across the street and entered the doorway, searching for me. The problem was-- it was me.
The SWF had cut her hair-- like mine.The SWF wore clothes-- like mine.The SWF wore make-up-- like mine.The SWF even had a purse-- like mine.
Hugo's shocked expression slowly turned to an astonished smile as my heart sank. I immediately thought of that Blondie song, "My Clone Sleeps Alone."
She sat down across from me, smiling, as if nothing was wrong.
My mind raced to the movie "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" and waited for her to point and hiss.
"How's it going?" she asked.
"Fine. Whoa. You're...different."
Hugo approached the table, hiding his smile, filling my cafe au lait with regular coffee. He turned to her. "Can I get you something?"
"Whatever she's having would be great."
"Ditto? No problem." He stepped away, stifling a giggle. People from the other tables stared.
"You..." I struggled. "You look like me."
"You think? God, my old girlfriend used to say the same thing." She laughed. "I don't know. I just...after our date the other night I felt so free-- so great-- that I wanted to change. But I look like you? Really?"
The movie The Parent Trap suddenly came to mind. Followed by a lesbian version of a Doublemint Gum commercial, and ending with the realization that maybe I'm drinking too much caffeine.
Hugo stood in the distance, smiled, and picked up a large kitchen knife doing his best Psycho impersonation.
The SWF was SWF. I made a mental note to be sure to never speak to Lanie again.
"Where do you want to go for dinner?" she asked.
And then something really bizarre happened. I realized how pretty I am. I mean, how pretty she is being me-- how pretty I think she is being me being pretty.
To be honest, a part of me was flattered.
Hugo arrived with her cafe au lait, announcing "Fran, you have a phone call." I quickly crossed to the counter, picking up the phone and hearing the electronic voice saying "if you'd like to make a call, please hang up..."
Hugo had given me a way out. I pretended to receive some really important news and quickly hung up.
I apologized profusely to the SWF that I had to leave. Problems at work with a presentation for tomorrow.
She nodded politely, disappointed, and promised she'd call me later. I rushed out the door, wondering where I was going as I waved good-bye to a grinning Hugo.
Maybe there was a revival of Dead Ringers at the New Beverly Cinema?
No, I just wanted to go home. My home. And I realized I didn't need a roommate anytime soon.
