"No, your father and I have been talking a lot, Luigi, and we both agree that honesty is the best policy and you should never, ever feel ashamed or embarrassed by what you want to be or who you are or anything. You know I was talking to Lizzie Schwartz, my neighbor across the street, you remember Lizzie, she has diabetes and she's a little kooky but a good egg just the same, and Lizzie told me her grandson is like you and she loves him just the same especially at Christmas and her birthday because this boy, I forget his name, Raymond I think, she says Raymond showers her with gifts. Now don't think I'm asking for gifts, Luigi, I don't want you to spend a penny of your hard earned money on me or your Papa. I think it's just fine..."

And she went on. And on. And on.

I think telling Ma I was gay has given her a new lease on life. I phoned her today with the worst case of indigestion -- my stomach had been in knots ever since I sent them the letter telling them I was "gay as a day in May" as Papa used to say. Used to say, rather than, still said -- now his own son was "gay as a day in May."

Drew was on the other line listening to my "conversation" with Mama -- if anyone could call it that -- more like a MONOLOGUE! He was laughing and joking but we were both relieved that at least my mother wasn't devastated by the news. And who was this Lizzie, Drew asked. Some dyke friend of Mama's?

She continued...

"I've been reading books, Luigi! I read "The Joy of Gay Sex" and "Having a Queer Son" and I got a whole stack more to read, Luigi. My heavens, I had no idea the male body was equipped with things like a prostrate..."

"It's Prostate, Mama... Prostrate is "lying down."

"Yeah, I know, I know. You were always so good with English, now what is this fellatio business? I saw the drawing and I closed my eyes! Is it what I think it is? Is it when a man puts another man's... oh! I can't even say it! Is that what it is?"

"Not just men do that, Mama. Women do it, too."

There was long silence.

A very long silence.

Then she said, "Well, not this woman, Luigi. Now, I had a funny idea about your friend, Fran. I thought it was a little strange that she didn't wear makeup. Is it normal for all Lezbeen's to not wear makeup, Luigi?"

"Lesbians -- wear makeup when -- lesbians want to wear makeup, Mama. Maybe not as much as you and Lizzie Schwartz... but you can relax because ever since your trip out to Los Angeles, Fran has worn more makeup."

"Good." She said and was thrilled she'd made a change in Fran's life. Then she took another pause...

"What, Mama? What is it?" I asked.

"I don't like this boy Andrew, Luigi. I want to talk to you about that."

Luckily, Drew had gotten bored and hung up the other phone.

God! What had I created???