In years.
The first time I had let a man do this to me.
But it was happening. Andrew was doing it to me.
I needed him to. I wanted him to. I asked him to.
I begged him to.
At "The Jack Of Hearts" no less.
Andrew had confronted me after he found out somehow that I had been here. He wouldn't believe I had come here to check it out, to surprise him. Only to see this place-- thinking I would bring him back here. He slapped me in the face. Hard. "Don't! Enough lies, Eric," he said. "We're going there right now."
It was midnight already by the time we got to the club. I remember thinking I had to be at work early the next morning -- a big board meeting. But Andrew laughed and said, "forget about it."
He forced me to take him to the room I'd been in. To all the rooms. They were full-- teaming with gorgeous bodies, with men in every possible position-- acts of S&M, acts of passion, acts of desperation, acts of love-- private rooms with only a couple or a threesome. It was dark and each room smelled slightly different. Each smelled of the people in them. And Andrew kept pushing me.
He leaned in, "I'm taking you tonight, Eric."
I laughed out loud, assuming this was part of the game.
"How many did you have here, Eric?" he asked me.
I told him again, "None, Drew -- I wouldn't do that."
But he didn't believe me. Not for a minute.
As he moved himself to me in the private suite, almost morphing into me-- I could hear myself scream a name. I was shocked.
It wasn't Andrew. It wasn't Mark. It was John.
John was the first man I'd let do this to me. Years and years ago, when neither of us even knew what we were doing. I could still remember the agony of that moment-- and the thrill. The animal connection and excitement of doing "the bad thing" for the first time. John had taken me in my bedroom while my parents were asleep, while my family was quiet and asleep.
I screamed, "Yes!"
Andrew complied. Andrew became John -- the memory of John.
I don't remember getting home. I don't remember anything. Except feeling that Andrew and I were on a journey with each of us leading the other. Where we would end, no one knew. We'd survived "The Jack Of Hearts" but where would our next adventure take us?
And who would it involve?
