I had left a message on my machine for anyone who called to meet me at Mocha Daze since that's where I had arranged the meeting. Robbin wanted me to arrange my first political lesbian event and I agreed. The point of the meeting was to re-adjust the group's intentions. My first point was going to be change the name from "Hollywood Queers" to something maybe a little more sophisticated. . After all, it was the 90's now and things have changed. Their response to my suggestion was going to be my own gauge as to whether or not this group was going to work for me. I knew I couldn't seriously belong to a group named "Hollywood Queers." Perhaps, "Alternative Women" or how about "Women for Women?"

The meeting was about to start so I checked my machine.

"Hi, it's Helen." Her voice quavered and I could hear the sniffles of an after-cry. "I was hoping you'd be home. Why are break-ups so hard? Yeah, you guessed it, PJ's gone for good. Who could give a damn about a loser like me? Look, I know I'm sounding bad, but I just feel like shit. You know what, I'm gonna come down and try to find you at that place you said on your message. I really need to talk."

As I turned around, Helen was standing at the doorway searching for me. She didn't even notice that the place was filled with lesbians. I headed over and her sad smile echoed in my heart. She did need a friend I could tell and I was glad she thought of me, but I knew this was not the place for her to be, considering her stance on staying closeted.

She gave me a needful hug and I pulled her to a table in the corner. "I got your message." With that her tears flowed easily.

"I don't know Helen. I get hurt all the time and it's the same again, and again, but that doesn't stop me and it won't stop you. You'll find someone else who really does love you."

"But how am I going to know? I thought PJ loved me. She said she did and I believed her. What do I do, never believe anyone else or just believe everybody? I don't want to be bitter, but I am. I can feel I'm becoming a real bitch."

I looked around and saw members of the group glancing, staring, and rumoring. "Helen, I don't want to put you off, but..." She looked at me hurt. "...listen, I want to talk to you but this is not the place."

"What? Am I embarrassing you?"

"No, but you walked yourself into a lesbian political meeting."

Helen paused, looking around, realizing the cafe was filled with women.

"Oh ..my. Don't tell me you went and got yourself involved in that crap?"

"Helen, it's not crap. Why don't you go home, take a swim, have a drink and by then I'll be over and we can talk."

"All right. Promise you'll come?"

I promise and Helen, I'm sorry. It really sucks."

"Yeah."

She headed out the door and when I turned around the entire room was staring at me and Robbin was lowering her Nikon camera.