"This is Dr. Lewis. Who is this?"
"You don't know me, but I'm in possession of a video tape that you
might be interested in."
"I already belong to Columbia House. Thanks, anyway."
"I'm trying to sell you something, Eric, but not what you think."
"Who is this?"
"I'm not going to identify myself. Let me just say that I have a
video tape of you having sex."
"Hold on a minute! A tape of me..."
"That's what I said. How much do you think that this video tape is
worth?"
"Worth?"
"Give me a rough estimate."
"Who is this? Blackmail is against the law and I-"
"An ugly word. Blackmail."
"I don't know anything about a tape."
"I think you do. And I think you'll pay handsomely to keep it out
of the hands of your lover."
Long quiet on the other end of the phone.
"I'll contact you soon," I said, before I clicked off.
*****
Columbia House, my ass.
*****
My little phone call to Dr. Lewis worked as I'd expected:
First: He's arrogant.
Second: He's irritated.
Third: He's wetting his pants.
Fourth: He's looking for his check book.
*****
To celebrate my little venture with the good doctor, I decided to
do something nice for somebody.
I went to the florist and ordered some flowers.
On the card: "Baby, it's not what you think. Let's kiss and make
up! S."
I sent Barbra a dozen roses and charged it on her credit card.
*****
She called me at Peter's.
"Can you come back home?" she asked. "I miss you."
I played hard to get. "Are we going to fight? I don't want to
fight with you, Babs." I slipped the 'Babs' into the sentence to
piss her off. It didn't work.
"I love you Steve. Come home and we'll talk all you want."
