My motel room was a complete mess with pizza cartons, newspapers, trash, used tissues, magazines, and empty water bottles. The local liquor store was ecstatic I was staying here because over the last couple of days, I had earned the honor of being their biggest customer.

The Asian delivery boy was nice enough and always smiled at my large tips. "Just between you and me, right?" I'd ask.



He would always say yes, take my money, and ask if there was anything else I needed. I thought of asking him to go buy me a gun, but realized that would probably scare him off.



Thoughts of going for a walk, going to a local restaurant, going to Disneyland, going anywhere-- filled my head.



I wanted out. I knew I wasn't supposed to go anywhere, for my own safety, but I was beginning to lose my mind. I wasn't gay, but I had had sex with Ned. I wasn't guilty of any crime, yet I was hiding like some criminal.



I couldn't take much more.



*****



I shut my hotel room door and walked down the hallway, carefully looking over my shoulder to make sure no one was following me. Instead of the elevator, I took the stairwell. My feet echoed across the steel steps, filling the vertical corridor with sound.



Suddenly I stopped, making sure there was no one nearby. Silence, except for the sounds of some water pipes through the wall.



The main hotel lobby, filled with generic furniture that needed to be thrown out, had only a German couple holding a large LA street map. The girl behind the front desk smiled at me, her worried face giving herself away. Did I look that bad? I hadn't been sleeping very well so I assumed I probably looked exhausted.



Or was it the panic in my eyes?



I moved through the lobby and stepped outside into the fresh air. The

mini-mall across the street was busy with some kind of Armenian Disco, traffic speeded past the street, and suddenly I felt like just another person in the largest city in the Country. How many million now lived in the City of the Angels? Too many, and a lot of them no angels.



East, west, north, or south. Which way should I go? I had no idea until I saw the liquor store at the end of the street.



I would go introduce myself to the owners as the man who had spent a small fortune from their store supplying my bored hotel room paranoia.



As I walked down the street, I thought of New York City. This area was urban enough and filled with so many different types of people, I felt like I was home again. And still I was in trouble. Would I ever get my shit together?



As I crossed the street, approaching the liquor store, I saw the young Asian boy wave hello from inside the decrepit store when suddenly his face dropped-- turning into horror.



I heard the squeal of the tires approaching me from behind. In an instant, I turned and saw Gannon behind the driver's seat of a large car-- aiming straight for me.



I shut my eyes and felt the metal brush against my legs-- realizing I was being hit by a car.



And then pain. Glorious and neverending pain.