Exercise was the one thing that no one at Haven House could regulate. I could get up at 3am every morning and sit up, push up, or squat. But this night in question, it was after dinner, and while Donna sat on the edge of the bed furiously writing notes on a legal pad, I stood bent at the knees lifting two five pound weights over my head, one in each hand.



She had nice handwriting for someone who wrote fast. The more I got to know Donna, the more I realized there was nothing wrong with her. Yes, she was clean, organized, positive, healthy, fair, and I was getting closer to her everyday. Maybe I wasn't passionately in love, but I did love her-- which I was beginning to accept and embrace.



My breaths were heavy as I spoke. "Church?" Donna had spoken with Dr. Mince about the logistics of our blissful day and he told her about a church. I wasn't prepared for this.



"He said it's beautiful and represents what we're offering to each other. I agree."



"I don't know. It sounds odd."



"Odd? It's who we are." She said defensively.



"Former homosexuals? Yeah, I know. It just seems odd to base a congregation on that."



"It's not based on that. It's based on religion. Something I would like to seriously investigate."



"Well, why not have the ceremony in a park or at the beach? Why a church? Because Dr. Mince suggested it?"



I knew that would piss her off, but I said it anyway. We were becoming a real couple.



"No, I have a mind of my own. The least you can do is go see the church."



"Fine." I sat next to her on the bed to reassure her. I didn't want to her hurt her. She smiled when my hand reached around her back. She leaned on it.



"All right, this is the list." It was the guest list she had been working on. Over the past few days she had asked me who I wanted to invite to the wedding. Obviously I included my father and his new family, but the real dilemma were my gay friends. And the fact was, I wanted them there. It was my wedding day.



Unfortunately, the list did not reflect my requests. I looked it up and down. My father and Dr. Mince were the only names I recognized.



"Who are all these people?"



"They're friends and other people from Haven House." While I had been keeping to myself, it looked like Donna had befriended every person in the place.



"Donna?"



"What?" Suddenly, a look of fear strangled her face. Fear of me, that's what I thought, and I wondered why she feared me.



"Where are my friends?"



"Oh Greg, come on!"



"You asked me who I wanted. I told you and now you say no?"



"I'm not saying no. I just think you're making it harder on yourself. I don't think either one of us are completely cured. Let's just wait and think about it later."



We wouldn't think about later. We wouldn't discuss it again. I realized that it wasn't that Donna thought it would be too hard on me, but too hard on her.



Too threatening.