She came to me. In a haze of white, doves, rose petals, and in a whirl of crinolen and tuille... in lace and satin-- in her dress, her wedding dress. She moved down the aisle towards me and my stomach fell, my mouth was parched, and I knew at any moment I would cry. I looked around the ancient cathedral-- at the scores of people watcing us, looking at she and I.

My mother and father, sitting in the front pew, proud and handsome. Mama was crying and even Papa's eyes were red. They looked at me with sheer love and respect. Next to them, my brothers and sisters... beyond them all my friends, even Hugo -- they were silently cheering me, "Yeahhhh, Eric! You Go!" My life. My life was before me, I was looking at it and I realized it had turned out pretty damn fantastic. I was successful, talented and marrying the most beautiful, wonderful woman I'd ever met.

I imagined ourselves in ten years with children in a huge house in Beverly Hills, vacations in France, collecting pre-Columbian folk art, throwing simple, unpretentious dinner parties for our best friends. I saw my life in twenty years -- kids grown and going to school. Rebecca and I moving to New York, transitioning into politics... something I had dreamed of since college. Rebecca was famous now since she'd inherited her father's fortune. Money is not now and never will be an issue for us. Our children are involved with their own husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends. They love us because we were good parents to them.

But now -- right now-- she is coming to me...

The next thing I notice are the words of the Priest... "Do you Eric Lewis take Rebecca to be your lawful wife..."

And me saying, "I do," and looking at her, seeing those shining eyes of love and tenderness-- that beautiful smile behind the veil. She squeezes my hand and winks at me, lessening the nerves of the moment while the Priest asks Rebecca the questions... and the questions are the same... "I do," and we turn....

We kiss and the kiss is a waterfall. The kiss is real and passionate and unashamed.

We turn and move down the aisle, past my sobbing mother and proud father, past Rebecca's parents, strong and handsome, past Hugo and Fran and Greg and Mike and-- past Andrew.

Drew is looking at me and I am looking at him. I stop. I take his hand, we shake... no hard feelings, no anger, no regret... we are friends.

I move back to Rebecca and we finish the walk and are outside on the front steps of the cathedral and the press is there -- the flashing of a million cameras, the reporters, the crowds, the cheering.

We are the new breed. The new centurion. We are Eric and Rebecca Lewis.

We are happy.

I am happy.

*****

I wake from my dream.

I open my eyes and look around. I've fallen asleep in the chair on the patio, on the patio of my little house in West Hollywood that I share with my gay lover, Andrew McKinley.

I am back. Back into reality. Back into confusion, back into the mess.