I was in the cafeteria with Janeanne, having lunch. She had tried to beg off, saying she had tons of filing, but I really needed the company.

We ordered something bland, something I knew I wouldn't even taste.

"So boss, you've gotten yourself in a quite a pickle, haven't you?"

I sure had. I finally opened up to someone, to my assistant, and told her about Andrew, about my childhood, how hard it had been to re-create myself... going from Luigi Espinosa -- a stupid son of a Portuguese fisherman -- to Eric Lewis, MD-- a noted, young hot-shot surgeon. I told her I knew in my heart I was gay -- but that Rebecca Granville symbolized everything I ever dreamed of... status, straightness, a family one day... everything.

"How does Drew factor into all of this, Eric?" she asked.

"I don't know, Janeanne. I -- I love Drew, I know that. But we both know our relationship has undergone some damage that it may never recover from. The mistrust, the deceit -- it's a track I can't seem to get off of. I feel like we have nothing in common anymore."

She asked why we didn't just break up and I responded, "I know we've both thought about that privately, and the fights we've had in the past have almost led to that... but then I look at Andrew sleeping beside me, so innocent, so handsome... and I know I could never leave him. I know we were meant to be together... I'm so damn confused, Janeanne. I need some help, I need a shrink or someone to help me figure all of this out. Why do I, why am I driven to destroy people the way I do? Why?"

Janeanne made the weirdest look. It stopped me, and she said, "Hi, Rebecca."

I turned around and Rebecca was standing right behind me. Jesus! How much had she overheard? How long had she been standing there...

"Eric, can we talk?" Rebecca asked.

"Ummm, sure... Janeanne, would you mind...?" Janeanne clearly DID mind, but she left anyway, moved her tray about thirty feet away to keep an eye on me. I appreciated that. I looked at Rebecca, now sitting across from me. I decided to tell her everything-- if she hadn't already heard.

"My parents are having a dinner party. They want you to come," she said.

I was in total shock.

"Rebecca, don't you think that's a bad idea? I mean, after everything you've said, everything you feel... I don't know..."

"Neither do I, Eric. Look. The truth is, I think I just got going a little too fast, I think we both did. The trip to San Francisco was premature, it was too forward of me and I think I just wanted things to be further along that they should have been. I like you, Eric. I don't love you. I was getting confused. You just don't realize how hard it is to find a guy nowadays with all your attributes."

I smiled, "What attributes are you referring to?"

She threw a wadded up napkin at me and laughed, "You arrogant SOB. God, Eric... you know you're handsome, and a brilliant surgeon, you're my father's favorite -- and you're funny and wise. But that doesn't mean I'm in love with you."

I smiled again.

"Stop it, Eric," she said. "I'm serious now, let's be friends for awhile, let's go to the damn dinner party. My parents will have an orgasm seeing us together. Let's just leave it at that. No ties, no commitments. Okay?"

"Okay," I said.

She left.

Janeanne came back.

"Did you tell her," she asked. "Did you tell her?"