She was definitely giving me the cold shoulder.

I asked Janeanne to call Rebecca on her car phone to see if she was free for lunch. She said Rebecca couldn't talk to me, that she was running out to go to an aerobics class and that she would call me later.

"What's up with her today?" Janeanne asked me, "She's got some serious bug up her butt."

Uh-oh. Hell hath no fury...was I gonna get into a 'Fatal Attraction' thing with my boss' daughter? I needed to figure out just how to handle this or it could blow up in my face. God, the pressures of being gay and in the closet in a straight world were so intense sometimes. How many layers? I had to find a way through this. Was I gonna let the truth spill out and probably get my ass fired? Was I gonna find some opaque, complicated way around the question so I wouldn't have to face it?

And it all wasn't so black and white with me, either. Part of me was sincerely and absolutely attracted to her. If I closed my eyes and thought long and hard, I could imagine a scenario where I did get married to a woman. And then what, fantasize about men alone in the bathroom? Go looking for anonymous sex at some sleazy truck stop? Oh God, it was all so damn complex.

Her call finally came. She was quiet, "Hello, Eric."

"Hi Rebecca, how was the class?"

"It was okay." Then abruptly, "Listen, I think we should stop seeing each other for a while."

Jesus Christ! Not acknowledging how I spent the whole weekend trying to avoid being alone in anyone's bedroom--most of all hers, I said, "Why? I thought we had a good time, Rebecca. "

"Let me ask you something, Eric. Where were you this weekend? I mean, we were together but there always came a point when you left me... in your way. It was like I would cross some line I didn't know existed and you would just shut down."

"I know. Listen, there is something I need to tell you."

"You know something," she said me, her voice rising in anger, "I have heard those exact same words from about half a dozen guys. You want me to fill in the rest? Okay, 'This relationship you're in is still messing with your head... and you really do care about me... but you just want to take it a little slower. That I am an amazing woman and if I just give you this space to get over the other woman, you'll be able to come back to me whole-- undamaged-- and ever grateful for just how much our love and respect saw us through the rough times.' How's that, Dr. Lewis?"

"Uh...yeah," I croaked. "That's pretty much it. You're...an amazing woman."

"You know what, Eric? I am SICK of guys like you who can't seem to grow up. I am not even asking for committment. All I want is for you to be legitimately available, for God's sake. What gene do they give men at birth that makes them always look for a way out?"

I couldn't speak. But she could... "You know what? I'm gonna give you a way out. You want a way not to deal with me -- you got it. Don't call me until you, through some miracle, grow up and become a man."

Click. She hung up.

What the hell had I done? What was I doing? What was I going to do?

A potential disaster on all levels. What if she took out her anger on me with her father? What if she went looking for dirt on me in order to get back at me, and what could or would she find?

Also, part of me truly cared about her and for some reason-- now I wanted her all the more. But all I could do was put my head in my hands and cry.