The entire way back from Santa Barbara, JD and I had talked about his daughters. He told me stories-- the funniest and the sweetest stories I'd ever heard. He loved them both so much his eyes teared with joy when he spoke about them.

I had seen their pictures and they were beautiful. Blond and brown beachgirls he called "The Bikini Sisters." Why? Because each summer they wore nothing but bathing suits-- day and night.

I could tell JD was a great Dad and would do anything for them. Which didn't mean spoiling them. Simply, that he was a large part of their lives and they were a large part of his.

He looked at me. "You and Eric ever going to have kids?"

I shook my head and told him we'd never even thought about it. Especially now.

"What do you mean, 'now'?" JD asked.

"We've, we've gone through a really long adjustment since we've moved in together. Without getting into the dirt of it, we've both made some big mistakes. I listen to you talk about kids and my heart gets so full, I realize having kids is a really important thing for us to do, as humans... but me and Eric... we act like kids ourselves. We don't behave."

"I have a hard time believing that you're not willing to face the problems, Andrew. From my position, you seem adult and totally mature about stuff. Are you sure Eric is not more to blame here than you?"

I smiled. It wasn't about blame, it was about responsibility. It was also about love. I loved Eric. And nothing-- not the lies, not the mistakes, not the blunders-- nothing was going to change that.

"We're meant to be together, JD. Just like you and Marie."

JD gave me a strange look, then turned very quiet and drove the rest of the way back to L.A. in relative quiet.

*****

"I want to talk about kids, Eric. I think it's time we did."

Eric stopped washing the dishes, his hands still in the soapy water. He turned to me, astounded and spoke, "I don't think it's the time at all, Andrew."

Well, I did. "I think it may be the best thing for us, Eric. It'll center us, it'll focus us to the things that really matter. I know this, Eric. Let's at least start meeting with a lawyer to talk about adoption. I mean, the paperwork alone can take over a year."

"No!" he shouted. "God, Andrew! What's the matter with you? We are in so much trouble here, the worst thing in the world to do would be to involve a child. God, what's the matter with you?"

"But JD has two daughters-- " he cut me off.

"JD? You've talked to JD about this? Jesus, what else does he know about our relationship? And why are you even asking his advice -- he's so fucked up -- he doesn't even know if he's straight or -- "

Eric stopped mid-sentence.

Then continued.

"I just don't think it's a good idea right now, Andrew. Not now."