Talk about rock my world.

My head was still pounding as I drove down Santa Monica Boulevard to my sex therapy group, thinking about the other night. At least I wasn't as screwed up as Steve, attempting a vicious act of violence against my friends. Some people say emotional harm is worse, especially if that someone aimed to hurt, which I know now is what Steve intended. I knew this meant a new beginning for him, and like me, an awareness of what your psyche can develop and deceive you into thinking.

When Steve lost the gun, in a strange way I felt sorry for him. And when I dove on top of him, I could feel his immense pain breaking this man in two.

Then all of a sudden he was in cuffs, the cops responding very quickly with several detectives milling about. Mike's girlfriend Prudence was in tears, including Hillary-who continued to state that Steve was her son and had no idea what he had done. Then almost as quickly as the police pandemonium arrived, it ended in the numbing silence of seeing all of us comforting each other in what could have been a serious tragedy.

The media trucks were quick to respond but I refused to give them anything, other than a nightmare had been averted. The media didn't linger, responding to other calls regarding the 5.1 earthquake which was felt as far away as Mexico.

But tonight I had group, and I looked forward to talking to Eric about what had transpired the night before. But as I waited for it to start, there was no sign of Eric or Hillary…er, I mean Hugo. But if anybody knew the score about Steve it was...you know...that person.

I walked into the church back room and saw semi-familiar faces millingabout, sipping coffee or chewing on cookies. I waited, nervously glancing at my watch when Hillary arrived--wearing a long black floral dress and a bright floral scarf around the neck.

She had no intention of hiding from me and came right over.

I looked away, seeing Hugo in her feminine face, the anger and resentment rising inside of me.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't tell you, Greg. But I couldn't. Not only would you not understand, but I needed to come back on my own terms."

Even though I'm gay and know the gay community, I have to admit I have a problem with the transgender community. They're cool around Halloween, and I understand it's about being who you feel you are, but there's a part of me that just doesn't get them.

And I wanted to "get" Hillary.

"Look, I'm not one to talk, but where the hell did you disappear to lastyear?"

"New York."

"Drag? You never seemed interested in that before."

"It's not really drag."

And in her response I heard the truth- that this is who HUGO always wanted to be-a woman.

"Did you have the operation…to know…?"

"No."

"Oh, thank god."

I couldn't help be feel relieved until he simply stared me down and said, "Not yet. I'm what I call a Lady in Waiting."

"You've got to be kidding me. 'A Lady in Waiting?' You've got more testosterone than Mike Tyson."

"But it's not who I am or who I want to be. Look, my decision about this is not up for discussion. You either accept me or you don't."

"Does Steve accept you?" I asked. I had to.

"Steve doesn't accept a lot of things."

"Very true, Hugo."

"It's Hillary. Okay? Hillary."

"Hillary. Actually, it suits you."

"You think?"

"No." We both laughed. "This is going to take me some time."

That's when I realized why he had waited.

"So you're going to be a chick and your son's in jail, huh?"

"Yes, but not what he should be in jail for. I'm just going to say thisstraight out for the first time....Steve murdered Barbra."

"What!?"

Hillary's tears rushed down her cheeks. "But they don't haveany proof. The hitman Steve hired has disappeared. That's why the cops were there. They were following him waiting for a reason to arrest him, but...but..."

"Oh my God, but what?" My eyes couldn't blink.

"He's going to get out, I know, I know." Her sobs became audible. "I'msorry, I'm sorry."

We stood in the back of the room as Hillary shed the last of her tears. She asked me about me. I told herI started painting again and when I saw that bring a smile to her face, I knew I had an old friend back in my life.