How many times are you allowed to call someone without them calling you back--- one, two, three times? How about six times? I thought about calling her at work but I had no idea how to get a hold of her there, after all she’s on the road all the time fixing phones and wires and crap. Clearly, it was obvious from our New Year’s kiss that we were meant to be together. Shirley, Shirley, Shirley was all I thought about. It was only four o’clock but I cracked open a Molson anyway. The phone rang. I let it ring three times and I quickly answered before the machine picked up....Shirley, Shirley, Shirley. “Hello,” I said.

“Hey, what’s going on?” A male voice said, too deep to be Shirley.

“Who is this?”

“Hey baby, it’s Harvey. You haven’t forgotten about me already have you?”

“Yeah, I guess I have.”

“You dykes sure have a sense of fun about you.”

“Hey, Harvey?”

“Yeah?”

“Why are you calling me? I‘m busy.”

“Chill down baby. I’m doing you a favor here. That woman Ellen Levee called me looking for your number and I said I couldn’t give out your number but I’d have you call her.”

I hadn’t forgotten about Ellen, but I wasn’t so sure I wanted to jump into business with someone that was quite possibly completely untrustworthy. “Yeah, I have her number Harvey, thanks for calling.”

“Did I tell you that they’re putting my sculptures in a sex magazine for sale? I could make a lot of money.”

“Don’t you already have a lot of money?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t make it. This is creating a whole new me. Speaking of, I wanted to ask you something. Do you think Greg would be interested in me?”

He caught me off guard and I finally said, “Aren’t you like straight now, straight and Catholic?”

“Well, since you two have inspired me to do more art, I’ve started to realize and admit to myself that I love penises. I mean, that’s why I make them, because I love them.”

“Harvey, don’t take offense to this, but you truly are a freak.”

“Thank you. Now what do you think about Greg?”

“I used to think I knew him, but now I would have to say I have no idea. I can ask him if you want. You want?”

“No, no, please don’t. I want to talk to him myself. Will you tell him I called?”

“Sure, Harvey.”

“And don’t forget to call Ellen, she could change your life. CALL HER.”

I hung up and I was surprised that I didn’t think Harvey was such an asshole. I called Ellen and left a message. I mean, what could one conversation do? And besides that, I didn’t want to think about Shirley’s refusal to call me back anymore. I had another beer.

The phone rang yet again. It was Betsy crying. “Can I come over? I’m really sad. Shirley said, she said...she said...”

“What, what did she say?” I tried to ask slowly.

“I can’t say it, if I say it, it might make it true. And it can’t be true because I love her so much.” She then sobbed uncontrollably and I told her to come over and I’d order a pizza. I wasn’t quite sure why she was finding solace in me and I knew I was being a total bitch by telling her to come just to find out what Shirley was thinking--- but I was desperate.