"Listen Mama, I'm glad you got the free ticket -- but you don't need to come just because of that... believe me, I make enough money to send you and Papa both free tickets -- what do you say you give the tickets to the Mendiola's and you and Papa fly out first class for Easter?? -- No, of course I want to see you. No, I did miss you both at Christmas, Mama....Mama, there's my other line, hang on a second -- "

DAMNIT! THEY'RE COMING, THEY'RE COMING, JUST ACCEPT IT, ERIC LEWIS!

"Hi Ma, I'm back. Yeah, I can't wait to see you. No, I uh, I rented out the guest house, Ma. You and Papa can stay in my extra bedroom.... well, Drew... Drew will "bunk" in with me for a few days. Yeah, just like summer camp, Mama... yeah, we'll be up all night."

WE'LL BE UP SUCKIN' DICK, MAMA!!! Just like at summer camp and Danny Cohen. Jeez, Eric. Just tell the woman. Just tell the woman your pathetic, dark little secret and be done with all this drama!

'Three days? Great, Mama. Sure, we'll see movie stars... yeah, we'll go out to dinner. What? What? A date? Uh, yeah, I guess. Is it important to you that I bring a date? ... I know, Mama. I know, I'm not getting any younger and you want grandkids... believe me, I know... yeah, we'll see, yeah, I'll bring a date, Ma... who? Ma, I don't know... uh, Fran. Her name will be Fran -- I mean, her name IS Fran... for a few months, Ma... Ma, there's my other line again. I gotta go...I'll talk to you in a few days... I mean, I'll see you in a few days... I'm excited too, Ma... can't wait."

CAN'T WAIT!

God, what is it gonna take to get through this visit? How many drugs can I prescribe for myself to get me through this? Maybe I'LL go to the spa and Drew can stay here with them... and I'm gonna put on twenty pounds with her cooking -- between her and Mark's cooking...

Mark.

Mark's cooking. Why did I say "Mark's cooking"?

Mark.

Him again. Mark on the brain. Again.