Rudy Marinaro. I'd actually believe he was Forest Gump if he weren't so damn smart. In my car, he left a porn magazine, taken apart and the pages taped all over the interior. This goes way beyond kinky -- it's downright bizarre, psychotic!

I called his Dad, Vince Marinaro and got the office machine - "Hi, I'm out of town -- if this is an emergency, call my son, Rudy at ...."

Yeah, Vince -- I'm planning dinner for twelve and I'm serving Rudy as the main course! I'm sure he'll be delicious 'cause he is damn fresh enough!!

I hang up -- okay, I realize -- now I'm spending far too much time avoiding this jerk! The harrassment, the magazine, the ice down my ass crack! I'm definitely getting a lawyer.

But I just feel like I gotta talk to his Dad first. I owe him that much. I turn on the cassette player in the car --

"Hi darling -- it's me!"

It's Rudy's voice inside my car!

"Made you this little cassette so you could hear my voice while you drive. Thought you may want to pull over, pull your dick out and listen me while you --- "

I slam on the brakes and pull over.

Enough! I pull the damn cassette out and toss it out the window. The proverbial straw that broke the camel's back...

Then I realize -- get the tape. You'll need it. So -- of course, I can't find where I threw it and spend the next hour and a half looking for it.

Thank God I found it.