I opened my eyes just as the mop Fran was using smacked me, again, in the face.
I jumped to my feet and caught a look at my reflection in the mirror. I was standing bare-ass naked in the middle of Fran's bedroom.
"You're up," said Fran. "Good."
She whacked me in the face with the mop, knocking me back down on the floor.
I looked up at her. She stood there like an executioner, the mop held like an axe over her head, ready to cave in my skull.
I could see the headlines now, "NAKED MAN BLUDGEONED TO DEATH BY MOP WIELDING LESBIAN."
The instrument of my death came whistling downwards. I rolled to my left. It made a soggy THWACK as it hit the floor. The force of the blow breaking the handle in half.
Fran started to kick at me, losing it completely. I grabbed her leg and flipped it away from me, dumping her on her ass.
I had only a few blurry moments to figure out what the hell happened last night.
Then it came to me. I barfed all over Fran and her date. I wanted to laugh, but I ducked instead, so her fist hit the bed, not me.
"How could you!?!" we both yelled at each other.
That stopped her. "Me? What did I do?"
"You slept with Jane!"
"She came onto me, mister!"
"You couldn't have told her that I was your friend?" I asked. "Then said thanks, but no thanks?"
"I thought she was just another of your one-night stands. I didn't think you'd ever be serious with her."
Fran always gets a disgusted tone in her voice when she talks about Jane. I know it's because Jane dumped her. "You speak of her with nothing but contempt, yet you'll still do the bump and grind with her."
She just sat there, the anger growing in her eyes. "Get out!"
I stood up and looked at the mess I'd made the night before. "Look, I'm sorry about last night. I got drunk and wanted...to hurt you. I'm sorry."
"Get the hell out of my place!"
I walked into the living room, saw all my stuff piled in bags and knew she meant for good.
