I was a man with a mission--to try and find my keys.
I stood in the door way, fumbling around my pockets. I knew I'd put them somewhere, my pockets weren't that big.
I found them and faced another chilling challenge--to put the key in the lock.
Missed, missed, missed.
I felt like I was twelve and Fat Terri, the neighborhood slut, took me to a storm drain, for my first quick and clumsy sexual encounter.
"Come on," Fat Terri said, taking off her white cotton panties.
She laid down on the ground, hiked up her plaid Catholic school dress and I saw my first, real live, as we said in seventh grade, snatch.
I stood there, frozen.
"Hurry up, it's cold down here."
I fumbled with the buttons of my pants, pulling them down along with my shorts, and climbed on to her chunky girlishness.
I started pumping. She started giggling.
"My little virgin," she said. "Are you going to put it in me?"
"I'm trying."
"Think about putting a key in a lock."
Like that first time, I finally got my key in the right hole.
I stepped inside and let my eyes focus, as best I could, and adjust to the darkness.
I heard some muffled noises, coming from Fran's bedroom.
She had some bimbo trapped in her clutches.
I started to get angry.
I should go into her room and hump Fran's new toy, right in front of her. That'd serve her right. She had it coming, sleeping with Jane when she knew I was seeing her.
I was going to do it.
I pulled my shirt off over my head and started feeling dizzy.
I took off my shoes, socks, pants and underwear.
I staggered to Fran's door, shoved it open and stood naked in the doorway.
The two women screamed.
I lurched over to the bed, stood there a moment in all of my glory and then threw up on Fran and her date.
