I hated looking for new therapists. It took me almost 4 months and 10 shrinks to hook up with Dr. Schroeder, and I didn't relish the idea of having to go through the whole thing again. But seeing as I did tell him that he reminded of a cartoon character, I didn't think it was in my best interest to keep on being his patient. What do you expect after your therapist implies you're having fantasies about him???

I thought about stopping therapy all together. I mean, here I am, relatively healthy, relatively happy, relatively wholesome woman of the '90's -- driven, career-minded, on her own...alone...no one at home...looking for the answers... and finding....

Well - so I thought it might be a good idea to try a woman therapist. Dr. Barrett came highly recommended; Lanie said she knew someone who knew someone who saw her, and thought she was God's gift to dyke-psyke. In other words, she was cool.

I called and made an appointment with high hopes. I thought how nice it would be to talk to someone who understood about PMS or feeling "out-of-balance."

*****

Tall, blonde, blue-eyed, legs up to her ears, and breasts ripe for anything.

I sat in her office trying not to drool all over myself. I wondered if I shouldn't come to therapy every day.

"Hi, I'm Fran," I heard myself stammer. I managed to give her a sentence of why I was there and who sent me and what they had all said about her and could she help me get my life together.

She started to speak, all I could see were her luscious lips moving together, pursing and puckering...

My new therapist was Malibu Barbie.