Instinctively, we gave each other space. Drew was on the sofa when I returned from Mocha Daze. Hugo had told me funny and touching story about him and Charlie and Valentine's Day... I was still chuckling when I got home and saw Andrew on the sofa.
He was clearly going through something and I understood instantly that I should steer clear. I did. I kissed him tenderly on the forehead and went to my room. Andrew -- and Eric. What had happened to them? Where had they gone? They were so wildly, so passionately in love for so long... had it just burnt out? No. I still got an erection if I thought of Drew for any length of time. An emotional erection. He fascinated me, he mesmerized me. He did at the bar when we danced that first night -- and he did tonight when I saw him on the couch.
I loved him.
So I went to our bedroom, closed the door and decided to lay down. Not long I was asleep, dreaming.... dreaming.... dreaming...
Bodies.
Two bodies, meeting outdoors... where? A restaurant? No, the beach, a place near the beach... I was watching. But it was me.
Who was the other?
A faceless person right now, a faceless man. But even though I was deep in sleep, I felt myself writhing on the bed. I wanted this man. I wanted him. We moved into clouds, through rain. We continued... into a room. A dark room with red... walls? Yes. Him and me... dreaming.
We made love. It was intense, it was dark and unknowing, this man and me. Who was it?
I opened my eyes... was I opening my eyes in my dream, was I waking from my dream, or was I dreaming that I was waking from my dream? I didn't know. I only knew that I felt hot-- and sucking.
What was this?
What was happening to me? My heart was full, my emotions were full and I was crying. I must have been crying in my sleep, no, not crying but tears sliding out of the sides of my eyes and onto the pillow and emotion and sexual desire built -- harder -- faster, my breathing rhythmic.
Suddenly, my parents were there.
My mother and father were there and I was saying to them, "Mama, Papa, this is me, this is Luigi -- this is who I am."
Then they were gone and the feeling came back, the sexual, hard, tough feeling returned. The wetness, the suction, all of it returned.
I was back in a room with red walls with him again. I strained to see his face but couldn't -- I reached for his head -- knowing in my sleep that I could feel my hands reaching down to his head to turn him to look at me so I could see who it was -- but I still couldn't see....
Hugo was there for a second, he and I were laughing...
A red valentine on the table in front of me.
The wetness.
And then I woke up.
I'd been asleep for an hour. Andrew was in the bathroom, brushing his teeth. He came out, looked at me and smiled.
What happened? Had it been Andrew in my dreams? Was I dreaming?
Andrew went back to the bathroom to rinse off. I realized I was soaked. It was the most intense thing I ever experienced.
Andrew so lost in thought on the sofa when I got home. And now -- now I was the one lost, confused, and puzzled.
A part of me didn't want to figure it out.
