I smack the golf ball over the fence, onto the street. and try to zone out my Papa's "words of wisdom".
He would walk through broken glass for my Mama and I appreciate that -- but if he only knew... if he only knew how far apart he and I are. How different we are. If he only knew...
"Good shot, Luigi...Eric.." He corrected himself, and then stood for a moment, forming his thought. After all this time since I changed my name in college, they both still call me Luigi. And then he says for the thousandth time, "I still don't understand why you had to change your name." For the thousandth time I remind him that Luigi Espinosa gets a lot better response as an Orthopedic Surgeon if he calls himself Eric Lewis... but I'm beginning to wonder if that's true myself. I'm beginning to wonder a lot of things... like who the hell am I, really?
I smack another ball out of the ballpark.
"We're not playing baseball, Luigi... not so big with the swing."
"Is Mama having a good time so far, Papa? Are you having a good time?"
Papa goes on and on about how rich I am, about what useless spending I encourage -- "rainy days, Luigi" -- and saving for the future and for my children. I mention that I may want to adopt someday, he asks why in the world I would do that when I could have my own children... if he only knew.
"The first pregnant man?"
"What, Luigi? Not you", he laughs. "Your wife, your girlfriend maybe. She's pretty, this Frannie -- but why does she wear no makeup, your mother wants to know..."
"Uh... allergies, Papa." Brilliant conversation we've been reduced to. He goes on about the fising business. Even though the fishing business was dying, I know he still wishes I'd taken over the boat instead of becoming a doctor.
"I'm glad you're a big, fancy doctor in Los Angeles, Luigi."
"What, Papa? You've never said that before."
He's never said that before. All these years, all the school, the interning, the residency, all these years and I always thought he was disappointed in me, angry at me for not becoming a fisherman like he and Grandfather... all these years.
"Open you little ears, Luigi. My God, what man wouldn't be proud of his son and of what you've made for yourself. You're a success, Luigi. All the relatives are proud, your mama is proud. I am proud, Luigi. I mean, Eric. Haha!! For now on, I call you Eric. Okay?"
Emotion.
I'm full of it.
"Okay, Papa. You call me Eric. I appreciate that. Thanks, Papa."
"And when you get married and bring us babies, we're gonna be even prouder!!"
"Okay, Papa."
Okay...
