We'd been laying in bed for almost an hour before we spoke, either one of us. I'd been playing with the tiny bit of chest hair between Eric's pecs and around each nipple. I could always get hypnotized by the feeling of my head on his chest, hearing his heartbeat, the rhythm of his breathing in and out-- as my fingers moved over his body-- while we both just thought silently to ourselves.

I'd been thinking of the situation we'd found ourselves in and became stupefied that we'd gone through so much since December. The adjustments we both had to make with Eric's parents, his job change, my unfortunate crap at work, Mark Fitzgerald coming into both our lives, and now the stalking by Rudy Marinaro.

But now I felt that somehow-- some way-- everything was going to be okay. I leaned up and kissed him on the cheek. He turned to me and I realized that he'd been just as lost as I had, thinking his own thoughts, takin' his own journey into whatever was going on for him. He smiled and kissed me back on the forehead. These were displays of love-- exchanges of affection-- and we breathed out any fear or deception.

"What's going to happen to us, Andrew?" asked Eric and I knew he was as scared as I was about Rudy and his bizarre threats.

I squeezed Eric around his chest and replied "You know, darlin', I don't have the answer to that or a hundred other things I've been wondering while laying here... but I do know this-- I feel safe here and I know we're always going to be together. Man, if we can make it through this, we can make it through anything. I know how scared you are and I know I blew up at you for callin' Fitzgerald...but that's why I ended it with him. I sure as hell don't think either one of us needs any more distractions in our lives. Do you?"

Eric seemed uncomfortable again when I mentioned Mark. He agreed though and rolled over on his side as we naturally fell into a spoon position.

Then I asked a question I'd been wanting to ask for days.

"Eric -- I gotta make a confession. I was in the guest room and saw the letter you were writing to your Mom and Dad about coming out. I'm so proud of you. I know I shouldn't have looked at it, but it was right there on the desk. I gotta tell you it made me cry, Eric. This is the best thing you could have ever done-- and the bravest-- and I know it's gonna completely change our lives... for the best. "

He got up out of bed and went into the bathroom. He came out. Turned around. And faced me.

"I threw it away, Andrew. I tore it up. I never sent the letter."