Last New Year's Eve I do believe I was closing my eyes while making love to Donna. Unfortunately, most of the year was spent that way--- maybe not making love to Donna, but with my eyes closed, that's for sure.

It's quite amazing once you open your eyes and accept who you are, including your mediocrity's, your limits--- as well as your strengths--- what can happen. I know that may sound negative but it's not, it's actually life-lifting and freeing. Now I feel I can work with what I have and that those possibilities are endless. That's what I want to paint: the absolute of endlessness. A tunnel, I thought, with strong significant edges that vibrate with life, and within the circle--- gradual darkness, but at the center of that darkness a pinpoint of white.

I had been in the yellow bean bag while dreaming of this, then got up and headed for my studio the kitchen. With charcoal I drew my future, everyone's future of endlessness. I taped it to the fridge, hoping Fran would come home and see it and know exactly what it meant.

*******

Later, New Year's Eve night, I fell asleep on the yellow bean bag waiting for Fran. We decided to have a drink together at midnight since all we seemed to have in our lives was each other. I woke when I heard her come in. She stopped at the door and waved a bottle of tequila, which was becoming our drink of choice.

"Meet me in the kitchen where the glasses are." She spurted.

I moved slowly as she jumped two feet at a time to the glasses. "You're in a good mood."

"I have a plan." She yelled from around the corner. As I came around, she was staring at my drawing. "What's this?"

"What do you think it is?"

"Looks like one of those spiral-graph things we had as kids."

"Are you trying to be an idiotically mean dyke or is that your natural essence?"

"Hey, it's New Year's Eve Greg, play nice."

"What do you think it means?"

"It's dark, but not totally sad. Perhaps like death, but then like birth too. How about that?"

"You're back in my good graces. For that, I won't hide your vibrator."

"Thank you, but it wouldn't matter if you did, because I'm not going to need it anymore."

"Excuse me?"

"I have decided that I'm in love with Shirley and I'm going to get her back and you're going to help me." The tequila glistened as she poured. It looked good, perhaps too good. What the hell, it is New Year's Eve.

"How am I going to help you?"

"I'll tell you in the car."

"Where are we going?"

"Girl Bar."

"Fran, forget it. I'd rather stay home watching Jerry Springer than stand around a bunch of dykes with nothing to do or anybody to talk to. I thought we we're going to have a drink."

"Oh, don't turn adolescent on me now. You're going to be a big boy and help your friend." She poured another and stuck the shot glass in my hand. "Now drink up my son while I reveal what's going to take place on the Eve of the rest of our lives."

"Sounds frightening."

She raised her own glass and in a French accent said. "Only if you're afraid of love."