Because JD was still stuck in a meeting downtown regarding my wedding, he called me asking for a huge favor-- pick up his son from kindergarten.

I paused, unsure, until I finally got over my insecurity and realized it would be fine. I agreed; arriving at the private school where a supervisor wouldn't release Benjamin until she verified with an administrator that JD had in fact called.

And now the little boy was sitting in my front seat, non-chalantly playing with a toy car as I drove downtown to meet his father and to discuss prices with a liquor wholesaler who was going to give us a break on the booze for Eric and I's commitment ceremony. Bizarre, I thought. This sure isn't the Brady Bunch.

A sudden feeling of contentment fell across me, even though Benjamin and I were stuck in bumper to bumper traffic on the Santa Monica Freeway. I'm not sure how to describe it, but it was a feeling of peace that suddenly whatever I had was...well, enough. As Benjamin continued making raspberry sounds playing with his car across the dashboard, I could tell he was completely at ease with me. I took this personally even though I knew that this kid, having been through a divorce, had probably learned to adapt to a world filled with fleeting adults and on one level, being a football between two parents.

But this didn't stop my feelings of peace-- of an expanded world. It's the innocence of children, their complete trust in their own imagination and the world that is inspiring. Particularly to someone like me, a gay man who has lived most of his life having to defend against the world, having to defend friends and lovers with an incurable disease, having to defend against my right to love.

And now men like me CAN have a family; we CAN have a child like Benjamin.

Suddenly deep inside me I felt my biological clock ticking and a voice screaming, "I WANT A KID!" Of course, a lot of people would think I was crazy; particularly other gay men and who knows-- even Eric-- but I can see the reality of a family.

"What kind of fruit is in Juicy Fruit gum?" asked the precocious Benjamin.

I looked at him, smiling. "What?"

He picked up the yellow gum wrapper from the floor in front of him.

"Fruit. Juicy Fruit. What kind of fruit?"

"I...don't know. Orange."

"Apple?" Asked Benjamin.

"Sure. Apples and oranges."

He paused, looking at the wrapper, then picked up his toy car again and continued playing. His mind on to something else-- on to the next adventure. A part of me was relieved because I really didn't have an answer, but now I couldn't get his question out of my head.

What the hell was the fruit in Juicy Fruit?