I took him out of my mouth and I knew the taste would never leave me. The pungent goo mixed with my own saliva and then I could feel little granules in my mouth. They felt like tiny stones until I spit into my hand and saw hundreds of black mites multiplying.

I woke up disgusted and thirsty. I scrubbed my teeth raw and swallowed a bunch of Listerine.

*****

I was eating more these days and this morning was no different. I was making myself a half pound of bacon and scrambling three eggs when Dr. Mince came in. He poured himself a cup of coffee and sat at the square Formica table that occupied the center of the kitchen.

"Good night's sleep?" He asked. And for a short moment I thought he knew of my dream and then I realized the impossibilities of that and sighed to myself as I turned a couple of slabs.

"Yeah, sure." I said. "I sleep good every night." Another lie.

"Well, you look tired?"

I shrugged. "I'm fine."

"Good, because I got a plan and it includes you and your successes."

I thought to myself: what successes? But I stayed silent. I sat across from him and systematically cut up the bacon and mixed it with my eggs.

How about you getting out of town for awhile?

I became elated instantaneously. "Really?"

"I think so. I have it just about all figured out."

This was it I thought, just what I needed. Time, alone, away from all the elements pulling at me.

"We would leave on Sunday."

We, we, did he say "we?" My heart sunk.

"And stop in twelve cities all around the western part of the United States."

"What are you talking about?" I was thinking a long weekend in Palm Springs.

"The lecture circuit."

I laughed out loud. "I can't do that."

"Sure you can. I'll be right there with you, the whole way."

"What the hell am I going to say?"

"This is the great part. You get to say whatever you like. I'll help you. There are a mess of young Christian people out there who are afraid and you can relieve their minds."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about young people who have unwanted feelings or experiences. You talk about yours and they identify with you. You become a role model."

"Me a Christian role model? I've been a Christian for one week."

"Father Feenan loved you and thought you would carry a lot of weight on this trip."

"He's coming, too?"

"Yes, it'll be him, me, and you."

My mind was swirling. I looked back down at my cooling breakfast and took a mouth full. The fats melted and the salt, that I had loaded on, granulated in my mouth. I remembered my dream from the night before and swallowed.

"All right," I mumbled. "I'll figure out something to say."