CHRISTMAS OVER. IāM GETTING BOOTED FROM MY APARTMENT. AND IāM HAVING A BAD HAIR DAY. NEW YEARāS NEXT. WHAT ELSE COULD GO WRONG? ERIC GAVE ANDREW SNOW FOR CHRISTMAS. FRAN AND I GAVE HUGO A GUY DRESSED AS BABY NEW YEAR. GOT AN INVITATION TO SOME PARTY FOR NEW YEARāS EVE. GOT A CALL FROM MOTHER DEMANDING MY PRESENCE SAME NIGHT. LETāS SEE -- MEN, PARTY -- MOM. MEN, PARTY...MOM. NOT MUCH OF A DECISION REALLY.........

SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT. I REALLY HATE WRITING IN THIS JOURNAL SOMETIMES. THEY SAY IT RELEASES YOUR INNER CHILD, FREEING YOU FROM THE PAIN, RELEASING YOURE CREATIVITY. IT REMINDS ME OF THOSE SILLY BOOK REPORTS FOR MRS GARDNER'S THIRD GRADE CLASS. I USED TO DO EVERYTHING I COULD NOT TO WRITE THOSE BOOK REPORTS. "MRS. GARDNER," I USED TO ASK. "CAN'T I JUST DRAW A PICTURE ABOUT THE BOOK? I COULD DRAW A REAL NICE PICTURE ABOUT IT." THE ANSWER WAS ALWAYS 'NO,' BUT THAT NEVER STOPPED ME FROM TRYING.

MAMA WAS FOREVER GETTING LITTLE LETTERS FROM MRS GARDNER SAYING THINKS LIKE, "GREGORY IS A FINE BOY, BUT HE MUST LEARN TO FOLLOW AND COMPLETE THE ASSIGNMENTS GIVEN TO HIM.ä GUESS I JUST NEVER LIKED TO FOLLOW THE RULES.

MY MAMA WOULD GO IN TO MEET MRS GARDNER ABOUT ONCE OR TWICE A WEEK. SOMETIMES I WOULD BE GO AND SOMETIMES NOT. THEY WOULD START TALKING ABOUT ME, BUT INEVITABLY THEY WOULD END UP TALKING ABOUT SOME OTHER TOPIC - LIKE CLOTHES OR FOOD OR -- SOMETHING. I'VE ALWAYS WONDERED IF MRS GARDNER AND MY MAMA EVER HAD A THING GOING. I MEAN, THEY SAW EACH OTHER AN AWFUL LOT FOR A PARENT AND TEACHER AND IT NEVER GOT ME BETTER GRADES WITH MRS GARDNER. SO THEY MUST HAVE BEEN SEEING EACH OTHER FOR A REASON. MAYBE THAT'S WHY MAMA WASN'T SO APPALLED WHEN I CAME OUT TO HER.

IāM STARING AT MY SKETCH PAD. ITāS WHITE...BLANCA...CLEAN SHEET. LIKE MY HEAD, ITāS BLANK. NOTHING. NOT EVEN A CLEAR VISION OF MIKE. I THINK IāLL GO TO THE GYM -- GET SOME INSPIRATION.