"I canāt be the only sane, single lesbian in this whole town, can I???" Fran sputtered. "I mean, what are the frigging odds?"
I couldnāt match her energy level. Iād been dragging all day after my night out with Mr. Straight. Longing after someone you canāt have with every molecule of your body gets tiring after four or five hours. I was beat.
Fran was reciting the details of her first fitting with the lovely Tammy, but I was only half listening. My mind kept wandering to the curve of Mikeās hip, that perfectly-symmetrical trail of hair starting at his navel and ending. . .
"GREG! Are you listening?" I nodded weakly. "Then today, in her house, with her girlfriend there -- well, I mean, in the other room, but, you know, there, Tammy is standing in front of me in this black, lacy bra, and Iām trying to take some measurements, still feeling totally humiliated from my surprise introduction to her girlfriend, when she takes my hand and puts it on her breast."
"Whose hand? Whose breast?" Hugo had suddenly materialized. I swear that guy is magic when it comes to good dirt.
"Some girl." Fran said it like a four-letter word and slumped down in her seat Hugo disappeared.
"I mean, what was I supposed to do?" Fran asked the tabletop. "I wanted to spend the entire foreseeable future introducing all six of my senses to every inch of her flesh, but. . . "
"But what?" Lusting after Mike wasnāt improving my mood.
"Did I mention that she has a girlfriend?" Fran snapped.
"Easy, girl. Itās just that sometimes I think you women take everything too seriously. I mean, why not just have a fling? Sheās obviously up for it, and it doesnāt have to be a big deal."
"Well, it is a big deal, Greg," she said and her eyes welled up "Its a big deal to sleep with someone, its a big deal to know that youāre helping someone cheat on her lover, and its a damn big deal getting your heart stomped out when its over and sheās back playing house with her wife." Now she was crying in earnest.
I slid my chair close and put my arm around her.
"Iām sorry," she said finally.
"No problem. Being single sucks doesnāt it?"
"Iāll say."
"The guys I know in relationships always envy me, like my life as a single homo is some big party."
"It is, isnāt it?" Hugo was back pretending to clear tables and listening for more breast talk.
"Well, I do get laid a lot, but lately itās just not enough. I want something more."
"Have you considered a menage a trois," Hugo suggested. "That would be more."
"Hugo . . . You know what I mean. What you had with Charley."
"Still have, darlinā, still have." Hugo sighed.
"Now listen, both of you, this is your MUTHAH speaking." Hugo was taking charge of the pathetic lumps Fran and I had become. "I happen to be the worldās foremost expert on exactly whatās wrong with both of you. Itās these fucking holidays, pure and simple. So hereās what youāre going to do. Youāre going to thank me for being the wisest man you know, weāre going to have a big, goopy group hug and youāre both going home and get a good nightās sleep. Alone, yes, but not lonely. Got it?"
I knew Hugo was right, but on the way home I couldnāt help wondering why I ever let Andrew get away.
