"He's going to fail me if I can't climb the rope and I'm not feeling too hopeful." Jim, my twelve year old looking counselor, stared at me. I stared back with a hard face. "So I can't climb the rope, it's no big deal. It's not like I'm in the army or anything." Again silence. "Look, what am I supposed to do. The guy's got it in for me. I've tried and tried. At night I do a thousand push-ups. Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration, but it's hard to climb the rope. Can you climb the rope?"

"I passed the class." He didn't smile or frown, he remained indifferent.

"Good for you. Can I ask you a question? How old are you?"

"Look Mike, you have till Friday to withdraw from the class without an F. So you should decide by then."

"I should quit shouldn't I?"

"What are you gettin' so trippy about? It's a freakin' gym class."

"I know, but it's more than that. It's like I have to prove to myself that I can do it, you know?"

"Not really, but whatever. How are your other classes going?"

"Fine."

"Well, don't let your obsession with a gym class lead you to ignoring your other classes. I mean maybe you're missing something that your other cerebral classes have to offer."

"That's a mighty big word."

"Hey Mike, we're in college remember? I got to go. I have a class. Let me know what you decide." And he left me there sitting and feeling like an idiot, but I wasn't quite sure why. He's a guy, how could henot understand my need to climb that fucking rope?"

*****

It's amazing the guttural sounds you make when doing something impossible. I'm sure I sounded like a birthing mother, because when I dropped down from the rope and looked around, I saw the entire class, including Coach Megna, staring at me with their jaws dropped to their chins. I realized I had been screaming.

"Hey buddy you all right?" Coach Megna asked. He had never referred to me as buddy before.

I dropped my head. "Yeah, I'm fine."

He walked over to me and my chest tightened. If I were twelve, I would have cried, but as an adult I was able to restrain my tears. I was ready for whatever bullshit he was about to assault me with. But something strange happened. With his right hand, he slapped me on my back, hard enough so that I jolted forward. When I looked back at him he was grinning, "Never seen anybody like you with so much determination."

"Does that mean you'll pass me even if I can't climb the rope?"

"Nope, I can't do it. But you're not as much of a schmuck as I thought you were."

"Well, thanks, but I guess that means I'm dropping your class."

"You're not the first one." He said proudly and I wondered why I ever gave a shit what this guy thought of me, and how about easily I fell right into his little game of macho crap.

*****

"Well, I dropped my gym class." I told Jim as he dropped an ounce of ginseng juice into his coffee.

"You feel bad about it?"

"Yeah, I feel like a failure."

"Well, you might feel like a failure, but at least you didn't get an F. You'll get over it. Realizing what you can't do is as important as realizing what you can do."

"What are you a philosophy major?"

"You guessed it. Hey, you want some ginseng? It's good for the mind."

"Sure." I said, eager for all the help I could get.