I could see Hillary’s elusive shadow waiting for me in the twelve paned window as I walked down the stone sidewalk. She didn’t wave but disappeared into the darkness of the room once she knew I had seen her. She met me at the doorway in blue sweats and bright sneakers. “I wanted to be as comfortable as possible.”

“You look great.” She looked scared and I didn’t blame her.

“You want some coffee, I have some cake.”

“I’m okay, thanks though.”

“All right, well just let me get my bag. I’ve put this off three times in two weeks. Enough. I’m doing it this time.”

In the car we were both quiet but weighted with thought. She asked to stop for cigarettes.

“You smoke?”

“I used to, but I don’t know, I feel a sudden urge. I guess I shouldn’t.”

“Actually, I think you should. Maybe it’ll calm you. Besides I think you should have whatever you please.”

“You’re right damn it, pull over.”

Four cigarettes later we pulled into the parking lot of the hospital and we sat in the car while Hillary smoked her fifth cigarette.

“You know Hillary, you can always back out.”

She threw her cigarette out the window and said, “Let’s go!”

Hours later after admitting we finally got to Hillary’s room. I had yet to leave her side so I told her I was going to go for a quick walk, but before I could leave the orderlies came in and Hillary hopped on to the gurney. Before they rolled her away she asked to take care of Steve.

“Please,” she said, “Without me he has nobody.”

“Everything’s going to be fine Hillary. He’s going to have you for a long time.”

“Yes, but he may not want me. Just promise me, okay?”

“Hey, you got it. Just relax now and think about staying calm. Forget about Steve for ten minutes.”

“He’s my son Mike. You’re asking the impossible.” And they rolled her away. Halfway down the hall she sat up and called back, “Just make sure he knows I love him.” With that she leaned back down and disappeared into a Queen bed sized elevator.

After roaming the halls for a while I began to hear piano music and followed it, drawn to it like I would the sound of a flute in an enchanted forest. When I turned into the waiting room I saw the diminutive old woman moving her finger along the keys, grinning, and humming lightly. She was a volunteer, providing live music for the waiting room nerves of friends and families. I listened for awhile as I stood in the doorway. Finally, she turned to me as if she knew I was there the whole time.

“Hey sweetie, come sit next to the old lady and listen.” I obliged and she played some old jazzy thing, but then began her story. The music was merely the background. This woman glowed as she told me of her lovers, her children, and her heartaches. “Funny, my biggest heartache was when I lost my Arthur, the dog. Twenty-one he was, but I’ll never forget the grief that followed that loss. Sometimes I think the grief just piles up and then finally someone dies and you can’t take it any more, but now I know it doesn’t matter no more. The Lord will have me soon.”

“Are you visiting someone or a patient?”

“Why I’m the doctor, can’t you tell?”

“No, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I don’t mean a real doctor, just a feel good doctor. Don’t you feel better?”

“I do. I’m Mike.”

She stopped playing to shake my hand. “Betsy, glad to meet you Mike.”

“My girlfriend’s name is Betsy.”

“Now how did I know that.”

“You did?”

“I did, I guess when you get older you are more keen with your instincts. You use your instincts, Mike?”

“I sat down, didn’t I?” This old woman intrigued me, as if she were related to my Betsy. I knew there was no connection, but all the same I sat and listened to her play and tell stories.