Bathroom etiquette is a sore spot for many. Besides the toothpaste trickmentioned above, there's the toilet-paper-on-backwards trick, the towels-are-for-guests-not-polishing-the-furniture trick, as well as the you-have-a-bad-sense-of urinary-direction-put-up-the-toilet-seat trick.
He prefers that the house have a "lived-in" look (roughly translated asdishes in the sink and an overflowing kitchen trash can), while you preferthe "neat" look (Warhol prints hung straight, the occasional dusting done).
You like the "rough, dark humor" of Jim Thompson, enjoy Bravo's "Actor'sStudio" series and get a woody every time you listen to Maria Callas.
He thinks John Grisham's books are a "great read," watches "Melrose Place"(even though he concedes that it's gotten dumber over the past couple ofyears) and weeps at old Peaches and Herb songs.
You like to rent "edgy" videos like "Doom Generation" and "Nekromantic."He's perfectly satisfied with "My Fair Lady" or "Chorus Line," AGAIN.
Okay, so we have nothing in common, but the sex is great, you say. Let'stake a look at that:
He wants to have sex at night. You're too tired. "Just lie there," he says."You don't always have to be a top. Be versatile!" You pretend to beasleep. He rolls over, pissy and frustrated.
You want to have sex in the morning. He's too tired. "Just lie there," yousay. "Be a good bottom." He doesn't pretend to be asleep-- he is asleep.You take advantage of him and get up to go to work. He doesn't talk to youwhen you come home that night.
Then the whole thing starts again.
If you're lucky enough to have an afternoon off together, then negotiate thesex. He's tired of the same old, same old. You have no interest in rubbergloves and tit clamps. "You're so vanilla!" he cries, trying to hurt yourfeelings. "I like my men like I like my ice cream," you say, wittily.
Then you both settle for the same old, same old, but with tit clamps.
Then he falls asleep. When you do this to him however, he tells youyou'd make a wonderful heterosexual.
T.T.F.N.!
H
