What is a FRIEND? I came up with six little descriptions that,oddly enough, match up with the letters F-R-I-E-N-D:
Fuckable- Who wants ugly friends? If they look good, you can'thelp but look good, too. Right? However, don't let them look too good,because unless you're too fabulous for words, you'll palein comparison.
Reliable- If they say they'll loan you money on Friday, they'dbetter loan you money on Friday. Not NEXT Friday or a year fromFriday. And by the way, the same goes for people who owe YOU money.
Intelligent-An underrated commodity. Dumb people can be fun toplay with (See "Fuckable" above), but you can't play all of thetime. While knowing who Thomas Wolfe was or what roles CeciliaBartoli has played may not be earth-shatteringly important, ithelps to be able to have a conversation past "What about thatweather, huh?"
Energetic- Not to confused with "perky." Energetic people candance until four in the morning. Perky people can dance to sixand they're not even tired. They're content, grinning idiots.Human equivalents of that stupid happy face logo.
Normal- Open to individual interpretation.
Discrete- This description is pretty dated. It was used a lot backin the days when "gay" people were only "gay" to each other andcloset cases for the rest of the time. I used it because Icouldn't think of another word and its a nice reminder to seehow far we've come. However, it's still used a lot by personalads. Ads that start with "Straight-acting guy seeks same" and endwith "No femmes. No fatties."
A final word on friends by writer Henry Miller:
"When one is trying to do something beyond his known powers, it isuseless to seek the approval of friends. Friends are at theirbest in moments of defeat."
(This quote doesn't really have anything to do with this column,but I couldn't resist quoting a guy who wrote dirty books.)
T.T.F.N.!
H
