Mark stood in my front door.
"Andrew-" he pleaded, trying to interrupt me.
"Shut up! Let me finish! Then... you... and Eric in the bathroom! In a public restroom of a place where ALL my friends go -- God! What kind of sick individual are you? I can't even think about it without wanting to beat the crap out of you!"
Mark remained silent. I hadn't been this angry in years. It felt good. It felt rejuvenating -- like life was coming back to me. He turned around to leave.
"Wait," I said.
He paused, thinking I was gonna be nice but...
"When you both disappeared at the White Party and I looked for you, where were you? Oh, well maybe I should have checked the MEN'S ROOM!"
Mark just stood there. Suddenly, the feeling of life was leaving me as quickly as it came. Now, I just felt sick. Now, I just wanted to be alone-- forever.
"I'm sorry, Andrew. I'm very sorry."
I looked at him standing there and shook my head. I was doing my best not to feel like some how this was my own fault. It's so clichˇ, but you begin to think-- there was something you could have done, something you should have noticed...
"Mark, I love Eric. You know that. How could you do this?"
He came towards me and I instinctively turned away, moving back into the living room. I knew this wasn't over.
"Andrew -- this isn't a time for blame, this isn't a time for apologies. I know I had a role in this but I swear to God this wasn't my idea-- it wasn't me that pursued this... he pursued me. You have to believe me, Andrew. You have to know that."
"How can I!?"
"Because if I were going to pursue anyone, I'd go after you, Andrew."
I looked at him in the stunned silence.
"Maybe on some level I wanted to hurt you, Drew. You know the feelings between us aren't over... I mean, I think we both deserve a pat on the back for keeping them to ourselves. There was that time at the bookstore, but that was it-- since then, we've been pretty damn mature about all this... but, I swear, Andrew. I wasn't 'after' Eric. He pursued me."
I couldn't speak. Was he telling the truth?
"I'm telling you the truth, Andrew." He stared me down. There is that closeness, that intimacy that comes from a history with someone that you cannot ignore-- whether you want to confront it or not.
I looked at Mark-- long and hard. And I realized...
The truth hurt. Eric, my husband, was guilty.
